I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
