She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
