Will you blow on my dice?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
