Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
