i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Randomize
