If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
