I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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