she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
