He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
