dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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