PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
