I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
