Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
being pregnant is like rehab
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
