Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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