It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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