Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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