tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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