I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
