i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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