So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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