Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think I just shit out all my problems.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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