I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
