remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
