That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
