her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
