I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
