you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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