we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
