OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
