She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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