sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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