Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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