my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
