Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
