She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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