he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
