Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
