I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
