time to smoke my breakfast
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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