she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
