spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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