Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
