just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
