just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
