so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
