Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
