someone threw a dead crab at me
He is an equal opportunity slut.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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