how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
