I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
