I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I love you.
Bad choice
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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