We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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