I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
