i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
