you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
