my mouth tastes like poor choices
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
