how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
